I just got it from the horse’s mouth, the long-awaited return of Arrested Development will be online at Netflix in less than one hour.
I couldn’t find the information online, so I struck up an chat session with Netflix support, where I was connected with a very friendly and helpful representative who investigated and informed me that the show would be online when clocks on the West Coast chime midnight.
Check after the break for a full transcript of the chat…
Here’s my new plan: From now on, when an asshole in my neighborhood decides to ignore a direct request by me to extinguish the fire burning on his property, in addition to contacting the appropriate authorities, I will be posting pictures online of said asshole while in the process of disobeying the law, along with his address.
This particular shining example of living fecal matter appears to reside at 639 Greenwood Cir, Mount Olive, AL.
You that are eager, you that are proud, and you that are ready to write the future in your names, know this:
Whatever comforts to which you cling, of whatever you make your foundation, wherever the bricks you lay, you cannot trust their security. Nothing can be trusted with certainty. With your newest faculties seek out your safest footholds, and realize your position. If we are to free ourselves of the bindings of our evolutionary heritage, we must recognize and address the manifestations of ancient humanity’s pre-scientific patchwork mythologies.
We cannot guide human progress according to the limitations and guidelines of ancient peoples who did not have a fully realized notion of even the simplest aspects of biology or mechanics. We are beyond the stopgaps necessitated by a lack of understanding. Take for a harbinger the clear and consistent pattern of religious persistents to retreat into the nearest region of science that has not yet been fully explored. When cornered from there, they will simply jump up another rung, until one day we finally obtain every datum on the nature of the universe. Trust that then, we will succeed them, if never earlier.
Some time now has passed since I lost all faith in God, but it was for the first time tonight that I could say the same of us. If there is a morality to evolution, it is that if we refuse to evolve, we will die. Humanity relies on its own progress. If we don’t start recognizing that there is a more complete, fascinating, and beautiful universe to be explored, if we ignore what we can see with our amazing brains, all standing on the precipice of organic evolution at this place in time, and do so based on a stubborn adherence to archaic tales from lore, we stand to deny ourselves the right to advance in universal history. The universe and all of space-time are unquestionably the grandest field that we can perceive as a member of reality, and therefor the most significant and necessary stage for humanity to contribute. We should recoil and nest in our own primitive history to the doom of our significance not as the species of humans, but as representatives of all of life on Earth.
Me, I believe in Earth, faith be damned, and I believe in humanity as her champions, her mouthpiece, her apostle. What do you believe in?
Very short. I just came home, poured myself a drink, and hammered this thing out. It’s got, like, symbolism, man.
Read The Magic Pill.